The humans call them the “Men in Black”. These formally dressed do-gooders are a constant thorn in the side of any self-respecting alien. Therefore, in honor of Mothman May and the release of WRONG SIDE OF THE GRAVE –and in dishonor of the boys in black– join me for this countdown of the Top 10 Better Uses for a Black Suit.
10. Impersonate life insurance salesman, collect and run
9. Cover up an unsightly stain or girlfriend
8. Wear backwards and securely pin arms for a stylin’ straightjacket that your asylum inmates will go crazy for
7. Tie up ends of pant legs, stuff with hams and hang in smokehouse to cure
6. Take your Wayne Newton impression to a whole new level
5. Gothic quilt
4. Secretly remove stitching from bottoms of all pockets, give suit to compulsive shoplifter, watch the fun
3. Upholster a vampire’s casket or an elegant footstool
2. Cut off legs, sew hem-to-hem…giraffe neckwarmer!
1. Three words…Best Dressed Scarecrow
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